


the treacherous line to cross

by cincave



Series: Character Studies [1]
Category: Gaya Sa Pelikula (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cincave/pseuds/cincave
Summary: A character study: Paolo Pangilinan
Series: Character Studies [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094300
Kudos: 9





	the treacherous line to cross

The first time you ever met Ian is through the start-shudder screen of your casting call audition.

Your shitty internet barely held on and you wanted to know which would give up first: your connection or your courage?

You answered so many questions about the queer community. In your head, you heard a thousand voices of your queer brothers and sisters, encouraging you, thanking you for speaking up.

Then there was silence. They said that they were going to have someone join the call.

And then you meet him.

You remember that RuPaul drag race quote that you always trot out when you're with friends and you see a cute guy:

"That boy is BEAUTIFUL."

It was always accompanied by jeering and laughter, good light-hearted fun.

But this is the first time you ever felt it punch you in the gut, a cannonball to your solar plexus.

That boy is beautiful.

He introduces himself, voice deep and warm. You offer your own name and then you start your subtle line of questioning to suss out any internalized homophobia because you don't have time to work with hateful people anymore. 

And wonder of wonders, not only does he blow past them victoriously, you also realize that he is doing his own line of questioning.

Then it is easy, talking to him is so easy, like bumping into an old friend on the street.

Your connection with him is instant, forged in steel and megabits.

Looking back on that fateful encounter, you now remember that the moment he entered the gritty screen of that Zoom call, your internet never wavered as if held together by this undeniable bond with him.

The day comes when the two of you finally meet outside computer screens for the first workshop.

He is, of course, even more handsome in person.

And the silly gay boy in you cannot help but do tumbles and tricks, somersaults and splits just to make him notice you. You show off the wide range of Cathy Molina-Garcia characters in your repertoire, knocking out monologues and lines just to see him laugh. You turn the stage into an impromptu dance floor as you bring out your Beyonce booty shakes, your BTS choreography, your old school boyband snaps and you are surprised and exhilarated when he joins you on the dancefloor and falls into perfect step with you, smiling and laughing. You would do anything to make him smile.

After all, all gay boys are powerless against a cute boy's smile.

It is there, as you both execute a perfectly-synched shimmy, that you know, bone-deep and heart-certain, that he will be an indelible part of your life. In whatever capacity he is willing to give.

And so you begin the laborious process of building the walls. The task of ordering your heart to recognize boundaries, the clear line in the sand that it cannot cross because the other side is hope and foolishness.

No matter how warm his hands and his smile infinitely warmer, you must heed the line in the sand, gouged deep and clear: DO NOT CROSS.

The whirlwind of your series comes and goes, blows everything over. It is a smashing success. You have smiled together, laughed together and cried together. You have held each other, fell asleep on each other.

All throughout these times, the line has held. Your resolve has held.

And yet, sometimes, in the middle of the night, when you are walking through the empty fields of your alma mater and you have split a putobumbong between the two of you.

When he is humming a song under his breath, his sweet voice still perfectly in tune and his smile banishes the cold of the night.

Your treacherous heart cannot help but look at the other side of that line and ask: What if?


End file.
